Since I told many people I would maintain a blog and have put link to it on the Gypsie Nation website, I gues I need to start somewhere. However, I have to admit having much resistance to sharing what I am experiencing on this journey.
In late September, when I decided to go visit my family in France and Morroco (my last visit to France was in 1994!), I surprised myself with booking a ticket for a 3 1/2 months trip when I thought I was going for a short visit. During the next several weeks, I received distinct messages from African animal spirits asking me such things as "you need to bring us back with you". I took these messages as if I needed to go to Africa to get something-some initiation, experience or healing that would continue feeding my spirit journey and nurture the Gypsie Nation vision.
The two months I spent in Seattle before heading to France were very difficult. Distancing myself from Gypsie Nation, upon the advice of the elders Kenneth Green and Woody Vaspra, and after being at the epicenter of much emotional turmoil within our organization, left me spinning in a dusty coktail of grief, anger and abandonment. Away from my usual whirlwind of creation, traveling, meetings and dancing, I sunk into much despair. Tending to my friend Ted who was dying of cancer was also quite a challenge as his mental turmoil deeply affected me. Staying with my sister Mali was a blessing however, her deep nurturing love and acceptance gave me space to begin a new level of healing. Allowing myself to be seen and held in the emotional state that I was in was not easy. After so many years of squabbling, becoming in love again with my sister was a magnificent gift.
My two weeks in France were relatively calm as I visited my oldest brother, my father and his partner, my niece and grand nephew, my nephew, as well as a few old friends. I felt calm and detached during the daytime, yet concerned about having no destination for my journey besides a visit to a brother in Morroco. At night, as in Seattle, I swam in anxiety about going to Africa and returning home (if only I had one!).
As much as signals were clear before my departure that my destination was Africa, no particular country was calling me specifically. So I booked a one way ticket to Marrakech, Morroco and have now been in the country for over a week.
My brother lives in a small town in the Atlas mountains and supervises the construction of a horse ranch and hostel, part of a traveling outfit called Sport Travel. Landing in this quiet and depressed area threw me again in a spin of questioning about the purpose of my journey. I deeply enjoy connecting with my older brother Eric whose sense of hospitality is exquisite, and whose love of Nature parrallels mine, but my first exposure to an Islamic culture is rattling my tiny cage. Seeing lethargic men laying around town while women wash laundry and carry huge stacks of wood is shocking and revolting. I had been warned by both my brother and my sister Mali who have traveled extensively in African countries, yet the direct experience is painful to my sensitive nature.
Traveling in remote areas however and going over the craziest of mountain passes, I discover villages of amazing beauty, with gardens fed by ellaborous irrigation system, blooming almond trees and kids whose faces still reflect the innocence of a people hardly touched by our modern civilization.
Attempting to get any clarity on the next leg of my journey has been difficult in this environment, and most of my early mornings in bed have been riddled with doubt and anxiety, to the point of wanting to abandon the journey and return home.
I sold my car to pay for this journey as my last four years of supporting Gypsie Nation have exhausted all my savings and left me in debt. In my state of limbo and fear, my mind has been drifting into the future, wondering how I will fare when I get back to the US, with no money, no home, no car and no livelihood.
Needless to say that this journey so far has kicked my sweet buns. I have always been a self-assured, creative and successful entrepreneur. My inward journey of the past several months has faced me with many challenges and hopefully taught me some humility and compassion. Away from my usual busyness, heavy schedule and agenda, lovers, chocolate and other intoxicants, I am undergoing a stripping down of major proportion.
I often feel naked and vulnerable, small and powerless, especially in front of the poverty and illiteracy plagging a great percentage of the population here, leaving Islam to fill the gap and keeping a population in bondage.
After 10 days in Morroco, I have decided to return to France to stage the next leg of my journey. Flying to Africa from France and getting visas is easier there.
Not having opportunities to dance and celebrate in community has been very difficult but has made me appreciate what we have created through Gypsie Nation to uplift our spirit and, hopefully, the spirit of the world.
See Slideshow 1 and Slideshow 2
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